Why do bad things keep happening to me…
My life (and thus my blog) is on a crazy rollercoaster right now. The kind of rollercoaster that drops 6 levels at once, includes a few 360 degree loops and doesn’t exactly have a secure seat belt. It sends my world upside down and back again and my emotions are in flux. One day I’ll be so happy and another I’m extremely upset. All my emotions are heightened everytime…
I hate it. I still love having an adrenaline rush and taking risks. But right now in my life, I just really need something stable to hold on to. Be it my friends, my family, my grades but I just can’t find anyone or anything that does not disappoint me. I do have friends who have been encouraging me and these are the people that I’ll never ever forget but they have their own problems too and it’s bad enough that I’m burdening them with mine :(
Its unfortunate to say that I am such a mess. Failing every subject that I was good in and I’m not even learning anything anymore in school. I know I need to do something but everytime I try it let’s me down.
People tell me that failure is part of success, making mistakes is proof that I’m trying. Yes for once. Yes for twice but if it keeps happening who can honestly say they will not be wavered by it. I can’t. What’s worst is being in an environment that failure is more or less a taboo. People tell you it’s okay to fail but when they fail, they can’t handle. I mean, just saying, isn’t it extremely hypocritical. Bad things can happen to anyone but just not you right. When you are the person faced with failure and setback (multiple times), then it’s a different story. Everything that seemed easy to let go doesn’t seem easy anymore.
Nowadays I just hate waking up, I hate living up to everyone’s expectations. I feel like I’m being pushed into a corner everyday. I could either stay there or fight back. Part of me would rather stay there and watch my life pass by; but deep down there’s someone who is holding on, someone who wants me to fight back. I’ve never been one who gives up so easily and that part of me will never let me do that. Right now I’m feeling so suffocated, confused and alone. I don’t want anymore drama in my life, I don’t want to keep breaking down. I’m tired. I’m truly tired. I hate the world that throws me off the edge and causes my feet to run out of ground. For once, I want to be safe as could be so that everything will fall back into place again.
I’m truly sorry for all the negativity on my blog again. I really hope that one day I’ll stop writing about all these unhappy things.
Anyway, I shall share something more positive with you guys now.
I was watching Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane last night and she said something that really touched me:
Everyone breaks down once in a while. Its okay, because i go to work, i take care of my kids in the day and at night when I go into my room, I break down and cry. But life doesn’t end there, life doesn’t stop for anybody. The next day when you feel like hell, you get a phone call from the office saying that they need you here right now, you’ve got to get back up and go to work. Believe it. There are people who need you, you are not alone, life cannot stop for you.So lets work hard and I’ll meet you at the top because that’s where I’m heading.
WOW. This is basically the essence of here speech and it really touched me. I’m gonna tell myself this everyday. Life doesn’t stop me, so I’ll gotta get back somehow. If any of you out there is reading this and feels the same way, I just want to let you know that you are not alone. I’ll be here.